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Memoir: After All, How Big Could a Sinkhole Be?

So now, I’m picturing holes with cars and houses in them and remembering the first time I ever heard about sinkholes. I was about nine. The radio newsman was talking about a sinkhole in Florida that swallowed a house and he was making no sense to me.

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Memoir: Running Over My Cousin

My cousin, Kenny, was jogging alongside me. I had to pedal slower to keep pace with him. He was ten years old, I was eleven. We hadn’t been friends very long. I’d known him when I was three, so I hadn’t really known him. Then my family moved to Illinois, a little town outside Chicago. Time passed. We saw each other again when we were old enough to remember the visit.

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Sometime Awhile Ago, Maybe

Bradley parked the car, then walked down the driveway to the mailbox. The latest issue of the New Yorker magazine, the usual weekly collection of local advertising, a couple letters from AARP, and a letter from someone named Mitch Hedberg. Bradley studied the envelope to be sure it was addressed to him, which it was. It was handwritten, the Forever stamp was placed at an angle to the corner, and the letter was postmarked

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The Best Thing He Ever Did

Pushing the pile of dirt down the school hallway, John Casey noticed a few drops of blood. He stopped his sweeping to clean up the blood. As he looked at it, he thought about the day is life changed, forty-five years ago. He was eleven years old. His father was sitting on the front porch reading the newspaper, not paying any attention to him. John, who was called Jackie then, was tossing a ball into the air, hoping his father would stop reading and play catch. It didn’t happen very often, maybe once or twice a year, but it was like everything else. His father was there, but he wasn’t close.

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So He Made the Necessary Arrangements

It always seemed like a good idea to him, to open a store. – He’d always liked to surf the Internet looking for bargains. It didn’t matter what it was: computers, cars, kitchen tools, pet collars or anything else. He just liked to find bargains. He found it thrilling. When he was in elementary school, it was better than beating someone at chess. When he was in high school, finding a great bargain was better than getting a date with the prettiest girl in school. When he was in college, finding something at an irresistible price was better…

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Of Gardening and Scarlet Tanagers

“Okay,” she said, wondering what grandpa was talking about. She was ten, but planting a garden was still new to her.” – “We can go take a couple bags down to the creek, the one that runs through the woods,” he said. “It’s also a good day for a little walk through the woods. Maybe we’ll see a Scarlet Tanager.” – “What’s that?”

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Strange, Perhaps, But Maybe Not Unwanted

‘It was strange. It was weird. It was Deja Vue,’ Charles wrote under the words, ‘Dear Candice.’ – ‘When Teresa came home yesterday I was reading an article about unwanted pregnancies. It wasn’t a particularly interesting article. In fact, I was dozing off when Teresa walked in.’ – “Guess what, Honey,” she said as she was taking her coat off.

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This Little Apricot Colored Rose

It all started when she made her annual trip to Lester’s Greenhouse and Gifts for tomato plants. Every year since before Kyle could remember his mother brought home eight tomato plants. Each one was set on one of the back room windowsills. They were nurtured with sunlight, water, some nutrients, and Karen’s “you got to talk to plants. You got to say nice things to them or they won’t take kindly to you.” Even so, one or two of them still died on her, but in the end she always grew more than four dozen ripe, juicy, redder than her lipstick tomatoes. “Best tomatoes are the ones you grow yourself,” she was fond of saying. “Anything else and you’re better off just stickin’ to the not so fresh picked at Super Foods.”

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Got This Craving for Pizza

So I'm at the pizza place. I ordered a 16" thick crust with green peppers, black olives, and tomato slices. It should've been ready five minutes ago, but there's four people in front of me. When I walked in the guy at the end of the line took a good look at me, as if...

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Strategically Placed Chewing Gum

Jimmy woke with a start. He checked his watch. Just in time, the game wasn't starting for another ten minutes. He could make himself a sandwich, open a bag of chips, grab a beer and be all ready when the game started. As he opened the refrigerator he remembered he'd...

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The Kid Couldn’t Dunk

Tony was 6'10" tall and weight just 191 lbs. When he was young and still 6'8" he was told he would fill out as he got older. He never filled out, though. He tried strenuous exercise including weight lifting. Even though he was able to bench press 225 pounds with ease...

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Today He Would Be a Swashbuckling Adventurer

He could lay there in bad another fifteen minutes or he could do something different, something unusual for him…. “This is going great,” he thought. “I need to keep this up. I need to be somebody different today. First, I will not shave. That’s the look today, rough and daring unshaved men, the look of an adventurer, sort of like Indiana Jones.”

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The Sayings of Caledon Pritz

Not Guessing

“Got my glasses fixed yesterday. I’m really pleased cuz they were cleaned, too. Now I’m not guessing as much when I drive.” ~ Caledon

Barking

“I thought the neighbor’s dog finally went to sleep, but apparently, there was still another hours worth of important barking to do.” ~ Caledon Pritz

Closure

Maybe you’re waiting for closure, even though you’ve already gotten it.” ~ Caledon Pritz

Waste

Life’s a waste of time.” ~ Caledon

Applause

If no one applauds when you walk on stage, does that mean you aren’t there?” ~ Caledon Pritz

Being Old

A man is not old until his ears are too big for his head.” ~ Caledon

Dreams

If you’re not building your own dreams, then whose are you building?” ~ Caledon Pritz

For Some

For some life is a catastrophe, for others it is merely an apostrophe.” ~ Caledon Pritz

Look Out…

“Be careful Mrs. Butterworth, things could get a bit sticky around here.” ~ Caledon Pritz

Gifts

Don’t let the past steal your gifts.” ~ Caledon Pritz

Caviar or Peanut Butter

A $200 ounce of caviar is no more filling that a 20¢ ounce of peanut butter.” ~ Caledon Pritz

The Day

“Either you run the day, or you run away.” ~ Caledon

Yesterday

Yesterday might have been terrible, but stop fretting about it. You made it to today, and that’s good.” ~ Caledon Pritz

Life

A difficult thing about life is letting things be what they are rather than trying to make them what you want them to be” ~ Caledon Pritz

Life… Again

“Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% what happens to you, or is it the other way around?” ~ Caledon Pritz

Funny Thing

“Funny, but the more I worry about what other people think, the more I become somebody else.” ~ Caledon Pritz

Faith

“Faith is the art of holding on to things in spite of your changing moods and circumcision.” ~ Caledon Pritz

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