•  – FICTION – 
The Kid Couldn’t Dunk

The Kid Couldn’t Dunk

Tony was 6'10" tall and weight just 191 lbs. When he was young and still 6'8" he was told he would fill out as he got older. He never filled out, though. He tried strenuous exercise including weight lifting. Even though he was able to bench press 225 pounds with ease...

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The Kid Couldn’t Dunk

The Kid Couldn’t Dunk

Tony was 6'10" tall and weight just 191 lbs. When he was young and still 6'8" he was told he would fill out as he got older. He never filled out, though. He tried strenuous exercise including weight lifting. Even though he was able to bench press 225 pounds with ease...

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Today He Would Be a Swashbuckling Adventurer

Today He Would Be a Swashbuckling Adventurer

He could lay there in bad another fifteen minutes or he could do something different, something unusual for him…. “This is going great,” he thought. “I need to keep this up. I need to be somebody different today. First, I will not shave. That’s the look today, rough and daring unshaved men, the look of an adventurer, sort of like Indiana Jones.”

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The Reindeer with the Big Nose

The Reindeer with the Big Nose

They were laughing at him again. Finte hated it when they laughed at him.  "Nanah, nahna, nah, na! Santa's never going to pick you," they shouted. Finte's big nose had gotten in the way again. Today at Santa's reindeer school they were practicing roof landings and...

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Being Sad and Lonely

Being Sad and Lonely

She didn’t know what to do. She wanted to return the bed, but after just a week it was well used and she couldn’t just throw it out… not after spending more money for it than she wanted to spend. Before she got the

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The Surprise Ending

The Surprise Ending

The orchestra is playing Joseph Haydn’s Symphony No. 45 in F-sharp minor, known as the “Farewell” Symphony . Many in the audience are familiar with the work and as it approaches they become increasingly attentive. Then, the first oboe and

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The Call Back

The Call Back

‘This isn’t like her,’ he thinks. ‘Then again it is. Sometimes she doesn’t call when he thinks she will when he thinks she should. Sometimes she doesn’t call for days, and he’s worried sick by the time he finally hears her voice

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The Witch and the Ice Cream

The Witch and the Ice Cream

He looked at me, but didn’t say anything, didn’t even act like he knew who I was. That made me wonder if maybe she was a witch and she did something to them and she was taking them home to cook them. That’s what witches do to kids you know. If the kid’s lucky, the witch will make them a slave and make them wash dirty witch stuff. Usually, the kid isn’t lucky and gets stuffed in a big oven, the size of a pizza oven, only the witch isn’t making pizza.

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Please, Please, Please Wake Me UP

I’d love to start this story by telling you I woke up, but I can’t. At the end of this I’d like to tell you I realized I was just dreaming, so I woke myself up. That won’t happen. Well, maybe it will, but it hasn’t worked yet.Please Wake Me UP The truth of the matter...

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Memoir: Perfection

Fourteen years old, History report. The teacher had made an all but impossible demand: typed. I didn’t know how to type. Most of the kids in my eighth grade class didn’t know how to type. For a couple of them there wasn’t even a typewriter in the house. A few of my...

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Memoir: Susie and the Dirt Pile

Susie: I've been told many times that to be successful at anything hard work is much more important than luck. Sometimes though, luck is much more important. For instance, quite awhile ago there was a girl in my neighborhood who would be playing baseball, basketball,...

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Back to Bed

Slept well, he had and that was a good thing, an unusual thing of late for this reason and that, but not a particular reason. Still he was awake even though the alarm had not gone off. It would, soon, he felt it… Maybe five minutes, maybe ten, but he knew, he could...

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Where There’s a Fever

She was incredible… maybe more woman than I could handle, more woman than I was worthy of, but she was looking at me and I was looking at her. She was smiling at me and I was smiling at her. She was talking to me and I was talking to her. Yet I had no idea why this...

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 – EVERYTHING ELSE – 

Radio and Other Bloopers

Radio and Other Bloopers

This blooper video brought back memories of terror, embarrassment, and laughter. Having worked off and on for more than 20 years in broadcasting, mostly as a radio announcer and newsperson, I'm well aware of how embarrassingly funny a blooper can be, especially when...

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The 20 Best Desserts in Chicago

The 20 Best Desserts in Chicago

From humble to haute, these sweets deliver pure pleasure. I've been missing Chicago for a long time now. Southern California is great for the weather, the beaches, and the mountains. That's been enough to keep me here, but I miss Chicago's sports scene, its...

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Did Someone Release 1,000 Monkeys in a Room?

Did Someone Release 1,000 Monkeys in a Room?

This story was found on Yahoo this morning and I had to watch the video in order to understand the story. I thought this was written by a foreigner. Periods are misplaced. Sentences are incomplete. Commas don't exist where commas should be. What does "Ten Stastny that...

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Memoir Monday: Gleason

Memoir Monday: Gleason

There have been about ten dogs in my life that have been important to me, but none more important than three Shelties, Rappahonack (our first Sheltie, my daughter's dog), Lujack and Gleason (two Shelties I got at the same time). Gleason was the spunkiest of the three,...

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Radio and Other Bloopers

Radio and Other Bloopers

This blooper video brought back memories of terror, embarrassment, and laughter. Having worked off and on for more than 20 years in broadcasting, mostly as a radio announcer and newsperson, I'm well aware of how embarrassingly funny a blooper can be, especially when...

read more
Monday Memoir: The Wart

Monday Memoir: The Wart

I entered two memoirs in the Ventura Writer's Club Memoir Contest. One, Baker, took the second place prize. This one, The Wart, did not win any prize. In a way, I'm glad it didn't. As it is, it isn't a true memoir, because I made up what happened after I was sent out...

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Monday Memoir: Baker

Monday Memoir: Baker

I was about to comment about the four miles between where we were and where we were going when Baker waved his hand in front of my face and a switchblade knife snapped open.

To say that scared me was an understatement.

“You know…” he said in a very hushed voice. “You know, I could kill you, real quiet like.”

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Monday Memoir: My Shelties Saved My Life

Monday Memoir: My Shelties Saved My Life

“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with your eyes,” the eye doctor said, “I think it’s in your head.” “What,” I thought, “is he trying to tell me I’m imagining it or that I’m crazy?” “There is no problem with your eyes,” he continued. “You have 20-20 vision. I...

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Memoir Monday: Five Tips for Writing a Memoir

Memoir Monday: Five Tips for Writing a Memoir

Sometimes I think I'm a scratched record, repeating the same lyrics again and again. However, I was a teacher for a few years and learned that not every student understood something the first time I explained it. Often I had to repeat and rephrase, using different...

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Writing Is Not Easy

Writing Is Not Easy

When I was in 7th grade I won (it wasn't exactly a victory) the award for worst handwriting. My teacher predicted I would be a doctor. At the time, that seemed like as good an idea as any. Although I also wanted to be a dancer, lawyer, baseball player, and...

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Memoir Monday: Roller Skating

Memoir Monday: Roller Skating

I love to watch Gene Kelly dance. He's so smooth, so confident on his feet. When I saw this video I was totally amazed, especially considering my own experiences on roller skates. How could anybody tap dance (at the 2:18 mark) on four little wheels? My father met my...

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Awareness

Awareness

"Life is a process, not a substance, and it is necessarily temporary. We are not the reason for the existence of the universe, but our ability for self-awareness and reflection makes us special within it." ~ Sean Carroll, physicist

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The Sayings of Caledon Pritz

Not Guessing

“Got my glasses fixed yesterday. I’m really pleased cuz they were cleaned, too. Now I’m not guessing as much when I drive.” ~ Caledon

Barking

“I thought the neighbor’s dog finally went to sleep, but apparently, there was still another hours worth of important barking to do.” ~ Caledon Pritz

Closure

Maybe you’re waiting for closure, even though you’ve already gotten it.” ~ Caledon Pritz

Waste

Life’s a waste of time.” ~ Caledon

Applause

If no one applauds when you walk on stage, does that mean you aren’t there?” ~ Caledon Pritz

Being Old

A man is not old until his ears are too big for his head.” ~ Caledon

Dreams

If you’re not building your own dreams, then whose are you building?” ~ Caledon Pritz

For Some

For some life is a catastrophe, for others it is merely an apostrophe.” ~ Caledon Pritz

Look Out…

“Be careful Mrs. Butterworth, things could get a bit sticky around here.” ~ Caledon Pritz

Gifts

Don’t let the past steal your gifts.” ~ Caledon Pritz

Caviar or Peanut Butter

A $200 ounce of caviar is no more filling that a 20¢ ounce of peanut butter.” ~ Caledon Pritz

The Day

“Either you run the day, or you run away.” ~ Caledon

Yesterday

Yesterday might have been terrible, but stop fretting about it. You made it to today, and that’s good.” ~ Caledon Pritz

Life

A difficult thing about life is letting things be what they are rather than trying to make them what you want them to be” ~ Caledon Pritz

Life… Again

“Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% what happens to you, or is it the other way around?” ~ Caledon Pritz

Funny Thing

“Funny, but the more I worry about what other people think, the more I become somebody else.” ~ Caledon Pritz

Faith

“Faith is the art of holding on to things in spite of your changing moods and circumcision.” ~ Caledon Pritz

Guilt

No matter how bad the problem, a little guilt can always make it worse.”  ~ Caledon Pritz

Gratifying

There are few things more gratifying than a credit card to put off till tomorrow what you can pay for today.” ~ Caledon

Wonder

Not all those who wonder will be lost.” ~ Caledon

Cynical

“I’m not cynical… I just don’t like a lot of things, so shut up about it, alright.” ~ Caledon

Correct

“Recent studies have shown that nine out of every ten Americans think they’re the one in ten with the right answer.” ~ Caledon

Three

“Three is an especially large number when all you have is two.” ~ Caledon 

 

Belief

The public will believe any lie, as long as you stick it in the middle of something they want.” ~ Caledon

Mirror

“Life is the mirror which reflects what we expect to see when we look into it.” ~ Caledon

Learning

“The best time to decide to learn another language is when the voices in your head become crystal clear.” ~ Caledon

Argument

“You’re less likely to lose an argument if you keep your mouth shut.” ~ Caledon

Nowhere

“A crack in the pavement goes nowhere in particular.” ~ Caledon

Mistakes

“Thinking we learn from our mistakes is often a mistake.” ~ Caledon

The Real Me

“I just realized, long ago I should have hired someone else to write my inner monologue.” ~ Caledon

Realism

Realism is… but is it?” Caledon

It Wasn’t Me!

Recent studies have shown that nine out of every ten Americans think it was one of the other nine.” ~ Caledon

Best Foot Forward

Standing on the edge of a cliff is not the best place to put your best foot forward.” ~ Caledon Pritz

Enemies

“I have no enemy’s, which is a shame. It makes it so difficult to insult anybody.” ~ Caledon Pritz

Chicago Style

“The worst thing about being a vegetarian is that sometimes I get a craving for something disgustingly delicious like a Chicago Style Hot dog and Tofu dogs just AREN’T Chicago.” ~ Caledon Pritz

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From:: Trails Across White

A Going Crazy Two

Sitting here reading It’s been two pages And I don’t remember a word I am with you As if walking As if I’ve said all I can say As if I love you As if that’s not enough Not anymore I don’t know what you want me to say I don’t know how to go […]

Pulling Beauty From

The tolerant hairstyle is recent hiding some of her frumpiness but it does some justice to this grumpy mean-cold woman who mumbles distant curses A gone dry long ago river smiling she admires herself in the grocery store window roughly removing a stray hair as she approves of the look With wrinkles like trenches protecting […]

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